There are so many things nobody prepares you for about motherhood. It must be that people think baptism by fire is best.
But, I don’t think anyone could have made me believe that even before you see those two pink lines show up that your heart is already in love with that little babe nestled in your womb.
Visions of sweet baby gowns, milk drunk grins and the back of that little head that needs a kiss every time it comes near your lips.
Really and no matter how crappy you feel while you are carrying that little one, there is a joy that is unspeakable that consumes you.
If you really thought nobody prepared you for those feelings, then you should know that there is no way to prepare yourself for losing that little one.
That little one that would make your oldest a big brother again and your youngest into a big brother for the first time.
It would be dishonest if I didn’t tell you that it feels like a piece of your heart is missing and that you will always have a little hole in your heart for that wee one.
And it’s okay. It’s okay to have that hole there, there is no time limit on grief. There is nobody to say the hurt should be gone. This was your baby, your child, a part of you.
It does get easier but holes in the heart aren’t always repairable. Brokenness isn’t a bad thing, it is what makes us stronger, teaches our kids how to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and look forward, it teaches us compassion, it shows us to look for the rainbow instead of the rain.
I’ve learned to be thankful for all the children I have carried in my womb. Nobody ever promised a set amount of time, each moment is something to treasure, no matter how long.
“Have faith in God when you pathway is lonely.
He sees and knows all the way you have trod.
Never alone are the least of His children.
Have faith in God, have faith in God.
Have faith in God when you pray’rs are unanswered.
Your earnest plea He will never forget.
Wait on the Lord, trust His Word and be patient .
Have faith in God, He’ll answer yet.
Have faith in God in your pain and your sorrow.
His heart is touched with your grief and despair.
Cast all your cares and your burdens upon Him.
And leave them there, oh, leave them there.”